As I took a
drag on my second stick, I looked up and saw two birds, playfully flying around
their new nest. I thought, “how lucky are these birds, they can fly to wherever
their little wings could take them.”
God really
did create all beings equal. You can’t have it all. Mankind, however smart,
innovative and creative they may be, is still bound to the ground and can’t just
get anywhere they wanted to go, unlike the birds in the sky who are free to be
wherever they wanted to be.
This article
isn’t about love. It is about the reality of the heartbreak of being married to
a person who can’t seem to be with you any longer.
When you
marry, couples are asked by the priest to pronounce to the entire Church a vow
between husband and wife. It goes something like:
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Credit To Owner: Sandals Resort
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A vow
although so moving, is often forgotten by married couples due to certain misunderstandings
or differences as they progress into their married life. This is probably why
at certain countries, marriage success rate is considerably very low.
Divorce,
Annulment, Mutual Separation, these are just some of the countermeasures
couples take to renounce their marriage. Although the Catholic Church still, at
this day and age, do not tolerate separating what God has put together. Despite
this, the society is slowly, but surely accepting that people are two different
beings and that there are instances where enough is enough.
What do you
do then, if you are living in a country that highly opposes annulment of
marriage?
My husband
and I are at this point in our relationship where we are deciding to emigrate
to another country. My personal reasons include the paycheck, putting our
children through school for free and other perks that the Government of the
country we are considering to emigrate to provides to all its residents. Most
importantly, the quality time that we, as a family would be able to invest in
each other for the betterment of our unit. But, my husband is very hesitant to
this move.
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Of course,
displacing oneself is not an easy feat. We have invested so much in this
country already, family, friends, profession, network, assests. You name it, we
have it. But, really, is it hard to leave that all behind if your own family is
intact?
I remember
what the Priest told us on the day of our wedding. “…the son will leave his
mother and father and take his wife to be his very own…”
As much as I
do not want to admit it, my husband’s reason why he doesn’t want to leave his
country for a life of our own is that he is afraid that if we fight, there is
no where he could run to.
Insert a
breaking glass sound effect…
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| Credit To Harvard Health |
My heart is
shattered into pieces. I could not fathom the pain his words caused me. I
thought that entering into this marriage would mean that it would just be the
two of us. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
How can you
remain to be in a relationship with someone you can’t stand? How can you be in
a relationship with someone who do not see you as a partner? Someone who would
be with you through thick and thin?
I realized
that he was not against emigrating to another country. He was against having
just “us” around each other. And this is what depresses me.
A couple of
years ago, he proposed to me by asking me if I would go with him wherever he
goes. Without batting an eyelash, I said, “yes.” Now, I cannot imagine how this
man who asked me to be his wife would rather stay here in this country, so that
whenever he cannot stand me, he would be able to distance himself.
Call it old
school if you want, but doesn’t that defeat what marriage entirely stand for?
I was
actually expecting that instead of him looking into negative reasons, I hope he
would look at it the way I see it. That no matter what happens, it would be
okay, because we are together. That we would and could resolve whatever
differences we have for the sake of the entire family.
And oh, was I
so wrong.
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| Image Credit To Owner. |
Here I am,
married – stuck with someone who can’t stand being with me. How do you answer
to that? How do you really go on living knowing that your husband would rather
be with someone else, do something else, than be with you, do things with you?
How do you
patch the broken pieces of this dreadful truth?
I can barely
see the road as tears just went streaming down my face. I was asking God to
enlighten me. How do I move on? How do I rid myself of such a heavy heart? My
life as a married woman is over. I really wanted to establish “us” somewhere
far from here. Because I can’t make him choose us, I can’t make him choose me.
If we stay,
every day he would grow further and further away from me. Our children would
grow up seeing that their parents have a growing hatred towards each other. My
son would grow up knowing that it’s okay to hurt his wife as long as he is able
to put food on the table. My daughter would grow up accepting that wives have
no voice in a marriage. I would live my
nightmares every day until the day I die.
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| Image Credit to Health Central |
If we leave,
he would blame me for it and he would live his nightmares until the day he
dies.
So, the
question still remains, how do you stay? Why will you stay?
If the
Church would be able to understand that God can only do so much, that men still
have the ability to decide and the capability to choose, then nullifying a
marriage contract should not be tedious, difficult and expensive.
Women would
still continue bearing the cross of staying in a dying relationship. I
personally do not intend to keep him in my life, especially now that I know
that his problem is me.
I envy the
birds. They are free. They can fly away whenever they want. I envy other creatures
who are given the ability to choose what is best for them. Right now, I don’t know
if I can ever mend this broken heart. I don’t know if I can stay in this very
abusive environment. My mind, my soul and my body could only take so much beating.
Sometimes, I envy the dead, for they don’t have to worry about their heart
breaking over and over again.
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| Image Credit To hitch.co.uk |
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